Grief 101
by Jamie Specht
"The pain of leaving those you grow to love is only the
prelude to understanding yourself and others." - Shirley MacLaine.
There comes a time in everyone's life where they experience a
loss. Sometimes it's the loss of a person or an animal while
other times its the loss of one's health, a dream, or a way of
life. In all of these circumstances, one must grieve!
Read on to get an introduction this process.
There are five stages of grief. When grieving, each stage will
be experienced, but they may occur in a different order or for
different lengths of time.
One stage is denial. **It is normal and healthy to try to
convince oneself that the event is not really happening. This
allows one not to feel, oftentimes allowing the individual to be
productive and deal with things that need to be done. This also
allows one to develop other internal defenses for dealing with
the loss.
Another stage is anger or resentment. **In this stage,
"Why me?!?" is the overall thought. Blame and anger are directed
towards God, the person lost (if applicable) and others.
Remember, it is OKAY to get mad!! It is a very natural part of
the grieving process!
A third stage is bargaining. **Bargains are often made
with God: "Give me another year, I promise to..." or "Bring him
back, I'll never..." are common. Even those without strong
religious beliefs may find themselves bargaining. These bargains
may be a simple internal dialogue or promises to him or herself.
The fourth stage is depression. **It is during this stage
that the one grieving has the courage to admit that the event is
happening. Everything sinks in. The realities about life changes
are realized. This realization and admittance brings on
depression.
The last stage is acceptance. **At this point, the event
and all emotions surrounding are accepted completely.
Again, remember that it takes time to complete the grieving
process. Some people take longer than others. The length of the
grieving process is not a measure of ones strength, weakness, or
stability.
"..in order to feel anything you need strength..." -Anna
Maria Ortese
A few words of warning: Oftentimes, a person believes that it is
necessary to "be the strong one" and not feel sad or any other
emotions, for that matter. That only hurts more. It doesn't take
away the grieving process; it just delays it.
All of this may not always be wanted or enjoyed, but remember
the words of Eleanor Roosevelt:
"...we do not always like what is good for us in this
world."
About Author
Jamie Specht is an author on http://www.Writing.Com/ which is a
site for Creative Writers
article re-published 3 August 2006
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