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That is how my mom and I addressed our cards to each other.
My mother was an incredible woman. She was a pioneer in her field as well as at her alma mater, Georgetown University's School of Foreign Service. I lived with her the past three years, and we had tremendous healing in our relationship, particularly during this time. We both found forgiveness for the ways we hurt each other. And we learned how to stop saying and doing hurtful things to one another. This healing was truly a gift from God. I miss her so much... I never knew it was possible to miss someone so much. But I know she would want me to go on with my life, and I'm trying. It gets a little easier each month, but I don't think this ache in my heart will go away. Her birthday was yesterday, she would have been 68.
My dad, Leo Gannon, died September 1, 1997, three days before my parents' 32nd wedding anniversary. It was during that time that my mom and I began our healing process. And I'm so grateful we did, because I can truly say I have no regrets. I can't say that with my father... there were alot of unresolved issues that were never dealt with before he died. But I've written him several letters, letting him know that I was sorry for any way I hurt him and that I'm a different person today who would never do and say hurtful things like I did.
I feel all alone, I'm an only child as was my mother. Thankfully, I have 21 (!!) first cousins, and they have really reached out to me. But I still feel like an orphan. And I finally finished going through all her stuff and put her house on the market. This has been painful as well. But I talk to her alot as I'm doing these things, and I'd like to believe that she hears and knows. And my father, as well.
I am blessed to have had the parents I had. They were not the perfect parents (whose parents are?) and I was a difficult child to raise. But I believe God gave me the parents He did for me to learn about grace and forgiveness, both of others and toward myself. And I also believe He has a purpose for my life (Jer. 29:11) and that everything in my life had to happen exactly as it did for me to be where I'm at today. I still can't believe that my Mom is gone, sometimes I think of things I want to tell her and then I realize I can't. It's a really hard thing to go through. But I will survive, and I have definitely grown emotionally and spiritually during this time (and physically, too, as I've put on some weight using food to numb my feelings until just recently!) I was told that God doesn't give me anything I can't handle in a single day without His help, and I believe it. I just need to keep believing even when it seems that it's not true. I think that's the real test of faith, a faith passed on by my parents. Thank you, Mom and Daddy, for giving me life. I love you both.
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